


Saint Joan

by Annie_Eliza



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, F/F, Future Fic, Kid Fic, M/M, Mother-Son Relationship, Religion, Religious Conflict, Religious Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-26
Packaged: 2018-03-09 23:12:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3267842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie_Eliza/pseuds/Annie_Eliza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joan Kinney doesn't like to question the Lord's rule. But sometimes it happens anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt fic. Saskya wanted to see a fic where Joan sees Brian and Justin together happy with Gus.
> 
>  
> 
> [](http://tinypic.com?ref=10cvgk9)  
> 

Joan Kinney is a God-fearing and church going woman. She lives her life by the Lord’s rule and she is proud of that. She goes to the Cathedral on Marks St. every Wednesday and Sunday. She lends a helping hand at the food pantry so those less fortunate do not have to worry about getting their food in their bellies. She even goes to the cancer ward to read to the children admitted there. 

 

That does not mean Joan Kinney is perfect. She feels remorse over how she abused alcohol. She has been in Alcoholics Anonymous for two years now. She did fall off the wagon once eight months ago but she bounced back quickly. She feels remorse over how she treated her children. Even Brian. She could never approve of his lifestyle. It was an abomination and there was no question about that. But he had been so sweet when he was a small boy and had grown up into such a cold and sinful man. She should have paid more attention to him. Although his upbringing didn’t excuse him from his actions now, she knows that she had not been a good mother to him. She had loved her children though. She just didn’t understand them, especially Brian. Before she realized what he was, she had tried to make up with him by bringing him his favorite desserts and trying to get him to come to church with her but he acted as though it almost hurt him for her to be near him. 

 

When she found out that he was a homosexual and the whole thing with John happened, she had turned her back on him. For a while, she believed the man had deserved it. And while it had turned out that John had lied, she still didn’t speak to him because he was what he was and there was a reason why John’s story was so believable. Not that she would believe a word that came out of John’s mouth now. He was hauled off to a Juvenile Detention Center a few weeks ago. It had been disappointing but there was no surprise there. The boy lied constantly. He also stole, dealt drugs, he got into fights, and he had gotten two girls pregnant. Two. The boy was 17 and he already had a daughter due in a little over a month and another child coming in six months. 

 

She didn’t know what to do about that and neither did Claire. They said they would take the baby in since the girl’s parents were adamant about their 16 year old daughter not being a teenage mother. And they would stand by that. But if Claire raised her, the little girl wouldn’t get the life she deserved. Peter seemed to be turning out okay. He hated his brother and disagreed on everything with his mother but he wasn’t a criminal yet. But she had such a short temper and was very self-centered. Joan herself was too old to raise another child. Neither of them could afford it anyway. She couldn’t ask Brian to write a check when she had offended him so much the last time she had seen him. In retrospect, she could admit that telling him the truth about God’s ways would have not been welcome to a man with cancer but she had only been trying to help him.

 

She realized that her ties with her son were severed for good. He wouldn’t welcome her into his life ever again. But once in a while, her heart called out for him despite knowing God’s plan. She scolded herself for it, but sometimes she wished that being gay wasn’t an abomination so her son could be saved. But it was and they would never see eye to eye because of that. 

 

She had accepted that she would never see him again, at least not by his choice. She wouldn’t push anything on him. They had chosen their paths and only time would tell if he eventually decided to repent. 

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Joan has always known this, but God does work in mysterious ways. 

 

She decided to take a walk through the park. It was a nice day. Warm, but with a nice light breeze flowing through the air. The park wasn’t far from the hospital so she walked down to the track. She strolled along and enjoyed the sight of children playing, the green grass, and the flowers blooming. Their father truly was a miracle worker and this proved it. 

 

She stopped in her tracks when she saw him.

 

She knew it had to be a coincidence. But it felt like a blast from the past when she saw the boy, around 8, running around with his friends. She felt a lump in her throat when she saw how much he looked like her own son. Brian had been so kind at that age. Sometimes she wishes she could turn back the clock and experience an 8 year old Brian with a sober outlook. It wasn’t possible though so she couldn’t dwell on regrets like that.

 

Joan looked around to see if there was anything else to look at to get her mind off the boy. And there was.

 

He looked a little older. It had been five years since she saw him last, so why wouldn’t he? He was sitting with a woman she felt like she recognized. Lindsay. That was her name. She remembered once thinking that they would have made a nice couple. And briefly she wondered if Brian had fallen for someone more appropriate but Lindsay turned and kissed the brunette woman on the other side of her and she realized that wasn’t the case. Brian had his eyes on the boy that Joan had just spotted with a small smile on his face. Did he realize the resemblance as well?

 

Brian took his eyes off the boy when a young man approached him. She knew who he was instantly. He was the boy she had seen at Brian’s loft and the one who had cleared Brian’s name. Even from across the field, she could see Brian’s eyes fill with love. It was a look that she had never seen in her late husband’s eyes and one that she had probably never given him either. Joan knew that she shouldn’t stare but it was hard to pull her eyes away from the group. How could they be so happy when they knew what they were doing was so wrong? And why did Joan feel such a sense of longing when she saw her son even though they would never be on good terms?

 

The resemblance between her son and the boy became clear when the boy ran up to hug Brian and the other three adults in the group. She understood now that she had another grandson. A grandson that her son didn’t want her to know about because he resented her that much. She felt the tears falling down her face before she had the chance to stop them. She’s never been much of a crier. Crying never got anything accomplished. It hadn’t protected her or her children from her husband’s fists nor would it make her life perfect now. She doesn’t have to witness her son’s life he put together for himself for long though because he and his partner start walking away from the park with the boy in tow. She tries to gather herself and not cause a scene but she can’t. She knows she looks like a pathetic old woman but she can’t help it. 

 

“Mrs. Kinney? Is that you?”

 

Joan turns her head away as Lindsay and her girlfriend or partner or wife or whatever she is approach her. She hasn’t gotten a hold of herself yet and did not want to be seen like this. 

 

“Mrs. Kinney, what’s wrong? Are you alright?”

 

“Y-Yes, I’m fine. I need to be going.”

 

“We can walk you to your car. Where are you parked?”

 

“I don’t have a car. I’m heading to the bus stop.”

 

“We can give you a lift,” Lindsay’s companion says to her.

 

“You still live on Sycamore Street, right?”

 

“Yes. But you don’t-“

 

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not even out of the way.”

 

Joan must be in shock or something because she actually takes them up on the offer. 

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

She quietly rides in the car with Lindsay and Melanie as they make small talk with her. They seem kind enough. She knows that they are living in sin and that’s a shame because they both are genuinely nice women. She can’t worry about their redemption right now though. She has something more pressing on her mind. 

 

“Yes, we just loved that book too-“ Lindsay started to say but Joan interrupted.

 

“Was that boy with Brian my grandson?”

 

Both Lindsay and Melanie fall silent as they pull up to her house. 

 

“I don’t know if this is the best place to talk about this,” Melanie tells her.

 

“I have a stew in the crockpot that should be about ready. Why don’t you both come in and you can tell me inside,” Joan tells them as she gets out of the car.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Joan sets the table for three as Lindsay and Melanie awkwardly stand in the kitchen and ask if they can do anything.

 

“No. You are guests. Now sit down.”

 

Lindsay and Melanie sit down and Joan serves them each a serving of beef stew. She sits down herself and puts a napkin in her lap. 

 

“Now. About what I asked-“

 

“Yes. He is your grandson,” Lindsay confirms.

 

“I’m sorry you had to find out this way, Mrs. Kinney,” Melanie tells her.

 

Joan manages to stop the tears before they fall this time and clears her throat. 

 

“Are Brian and…”

 

“Justin,” Lindsay supplies.

 

“Justin. Are they raising him?”

 

“No. Not full-time anyway. Biologically, Brian and I are his parents. But Melanie and I have legal guardianship over him. Melanie and I had wanted a child and Brian agreed to father him. We also have a daughter but Mel gave birth to her and her father is Michael. You know Michael, right?”

 

“Yes. He and Brian have been friends for a long time,” Joan says distractedly as she tries to connect everyone in this family tree. 

 

“But Brian is very involved in his son’s life. I don’t think he expected to love him so much. He and Justin have Gus on the weekends now that we moved back from Toronto. Gus looks forward to the weekends so much. Brian’s become such a good father,” Lindsay tells her, her eyes shining brightly.

 

“I see.”

 

“I’m sorry he didn’t tell you, Joan. But I don’t think he thought you would have approved,” Melanie tells her. 

 

“It’s against the Lord. The way he lives and the way you live.”

 

The girls stay silent and look down at their stew. Joan almost feels guilty for blurting that out and sighs.

 

“Is…Is he happy? My son?”

 

Lindsay nods, “Yes. He’s very happy. We never thought he’d find love, you know? But then he found Justin. Justin moved to New York but ended up coming back only after a year. They are talking about getting married again. Starting a family, probably through adoption. Brian is doing so well financially. Even though he and Justin are a gay couple, that will help them out a lot and make it easier for them to be approved. But if any part of you is worried about Brian’s happiness, don’t be. I have never seen him more alive and content.”

 

“Okay. Okay.”

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“I...don’t know. I suppose. I’m going to go sit down in my chair. I am not hungry right now.”

 

Joan leaves the girls at the kitchen table and stiffly sits down in her recliner. It’s not as though she wanted her son to be miserable. If he was that set on this lifestyle, then at least he was happy now before he faced the facts. But why? Why would he keep her grandson from her? She had seen him a handful of times after the boy would have been born so why would he not take him to see her? She knew that he resented her but why would he deprive her of that? She had loved him, deep down. Still did. She had tried to protect him from his father when she could and she had just wanted him to be on the right path. But Brian seemed to be happy on this path. He had a partner who seemed to love him greatly and a son who looked up to him. While she hoped that boy wouldn’t take after his parents, she couldn’t claim having the same sort of happiness that Brian has and neither could Claire for that matter. Joan had always lived with the belief that everything happened for a reason but what had she and Claire done so wrong that Brian managed to avoid?

 

She didn’t know her son well anymore. But she knew a happy and stable couple when she saw one, no matter how much she disapproved of that sort of coupling. Her son was happy, healthy, and loved. Joan didn’t think she would ever be able to accept who he was attracted to but she was glad for him to have the things that she never did. She had failed in those areas and never provided the care he needed to receive that from her. 

 

But he had turned out okay. Maybe not perfect, but okay. And he wanted to start a family with this Justin. He wanted a baby of his own. That was ironic since Joan and Claire had agreed to take John’s child in even though they were not financially able and, in all honesty, emotionally able to take care of her. She had wanted to keep her great-granddaughter in the family in some way. But maybe there was another way. Her brain and her faith told her it was wrong. It would be so wrong to put a child in two mens’ care and have them bring her up. But some deep place in her heart was telling her to reconsider. It conflicted with everything she believed in. If she ended up going through with what she was now thinking of doing, it could affect her soul greatly when she inevitably met the Lord. But she was a mother and that is who she should be first and foremost. She was unable to provide for him and unconditionally love him like he had once needed so desperately. She hadn’t been able to give him that happiness. But she could make sure her great-granddaughter got that from a couple more capable. If she managed to get a hold of Brian, maybe she could make sure that happened.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin comes home to a fuming and pacing Brian.

“Why the fuck- How did she- She has some fucking nerve!”

 

These are the first words Justin hears as he walks through the loft’s door. He had only been at Daphne’s for a couple of hours but obviously something had happened to make Brian pace around the apartment, fuming with every step that he took. 

 

“Uh, Brian?”

 

“Fucking kid. Bet she never damned him to hell.”

 

Justin walks over to his partner and touches his arm. Brian turns around with a glare but his gaze softens as he sees Justin standing there.

 

“Brian, what’s going on?”

 

Brian sighs and Justin immediately knows he is going to try to downplay everything. 

 

“Nothing, Sunshine. It’s not a big deal-”

 

Justin interrupts him because like hell is Brian going to push him away. They are in a good place and they’re past that already.

 

“Bullshit. You’re fuming and you’re talking to yourself. It has to be something pretty major. Tell me what’s got you so worked up.”

 

Brian sighs and takes Justin’s hand to lead him over to the sofa. They sit next to each other for a few seconds while Brian holds Justin’s hand in his lap and massages it. That action started as a way to ease Justin’s muscles when he was sketching and painting too much but, while Brian won’t admit it, Justin thinks the gesture as come to comfort him as well. He seems to do it whenever he’s feeling uneasy, stressed out, or just grateful that Justin is back here with him. It’s as though as the gesture is physical proof of overcoming all of their obstacles yet somehow making it out on the other side.

 

Justin stops the massaging motions by lacing his fingers through Brian’s hand. Brian looks up with an eyebrow raised. He seems to be mostly over the tantrum that Justin walked in on but Justin’s not going to let it go. He’s too invested in Brian’s feelings and, when it comes down to it, he’s fucking nosy.

 

“Brian, what is it? What happened while I was gone?”

 

Brian runs his free hand through his hair and lets out a breath. 

 

“Joan called.”

 

Justin tightens his grip.

 

“Shit. What did she say to you?”

 

Justin braces himself for the oncoming anger he’s going to feel when Brian surprises him.

 

“She said that she...misses me. And that she’s sorry. She said she’s glad I’m happy and have a good partner, even though she doesn’t understand my lifestyle.”

 

Well, Justin hadn’t been expecting that. He doesn’t know what to say to that. Brian doesn’t look angry anymore. He looks downright confused and a little desperate for some sort of understanding on the situation.

 

“Well, it took her long enough?” Justin says to his partner, uncertain of what else he could say, but Brian stays silent. It’s not like he doesn’t understand why Brian is so upset. He would get emotional if his dad ever acted as though he wanted to mend bridges. But Brian, as much as he loves him, is so fucked up. He’s gotten a lot better but it took a lot of work. Brian wasn’t like other people. Most people were afraid to accept that someone hated them. Brian had always been afraid to accept love and acceptance. Justin knew that better than anyone.

 

“What else did she say?”

 

Brian shrugged and then huffed out a laugh.

 

“First thing I thought when she told me that was that she or Claire needed money. I even tried to call her out on it. She denied it. Then she really decided to fuck with my head and ask how you were. I couldn’t figure out why she was saying these things and I demanded to know what she needed so I could get on with my day. She did need something, but said she thought it would be something I would be interested in.”

 

“What was it?”

 

“The last thing I would ever fucking expect.”

 

Brian pauses to look at Justin. Justin nods in encouragement and Brian tells him the big reveal.

 

“John, you know, my sociopathic nephew? He’s on ‘the wrong path.’ This wrong path consists of drugs, drug dealing, breaking and entering, beating the shit out of a few guys, theft, etcetera etcetera etcetera. On top of that his grades are for shit. He was put in juvie last month for everything that he’s done that they have proof on and is going to be tried as an adult for the physical assault and armed robbery charge-”

 

“Armed robbery?!”

 

“Yeah, it was some corner store on the other side of town. He had a baseball bat.” Brian says but then winces at the words.

 

“It’s fine, Brian. But what does your mom want you to do about it?”

 

“Nothing. We’re actually in agreement on him getting what he deserves. It’s not about getting him a lawyer or something.”

 

“Then what does she want?”

 

“Apparently John has a similar philosophy that I once did about fucking around but not a similar one on using a condom.”

 

“So he knocked a girl up?”

 

“He knocked two girls up.”

 

Justin gapes at that. The kid must be a fucking idiot.

 

“One of the girls is only a few months along. She is a couple of years older than John and has a job. Joan and Claire talked to her and she agreed to let the two of them see the baby once it was born but didn’t want John around the kid. But then the other girl is only 16 and due next month. I guess she is the goody goody type. She’s an only child with strict parents who want her going to Harvard. ‘Stereotypical Asians’ Joan called them. She has never been all that politically correct."

 

Brian takes a breath then continues.

 

"Anyway, the kid wanted to date and mess around with the bad boy, got knocked up, hid it from her parents as long as possible, but now they know. She doesn’t want a kid while she's in high school and her parents are in complete agreement. Joan and Claire wanted the baby to stay in the family if the girl wasn’t going to keep her so I guess they played nice and Joan has been going to her appointments with her. She thought she could get the girl to reconsider when it came to keeping it if she found out the sex of the baby. But finding out it was a girl didn’t do any good so Joan and Claire have signed themselves up to take in this baby just because family is family, even though the Kinney family is the worst family to be a part of.”

 

“That sounds like a fucking shit show. But why is she telling you all of this, if she doesn’t want money?”

 

Brian turns his head to look Justin directly in the eyes and Justin can tell that he’s still processing whatever the fuck this whole thing is about. Justin just wishes he would spit it out so he can know how to go about caring for Brian and-

 

“She asked us if we wanted to adopt the baby.”

 

What.

 

Seriously, what?

 

That is the last thing in the entire world that Justin expected Brian to say.

 

“I think I heard you wrong. Joan Kinney, religious, close-minded, Bible-clutching Joan Kinney, wants us, as in you AND me - two men who fuck each other multiple times a day, to adopt her great-granddaughter?”

 

“That is what she is trying to insist.”

 

“But she hates gay people! Or at least she did for a really long time. Besides, it doesn’t work that way. The kid isn’t even born yet so John and the mother still have rights. How the hell is John going to be okay with us taking in his kid?”

 

“Joan talked to the girl and she is fine with a gay couple raising the baby. Her parents just want the whole thing over with so they can pretend that the pregnancy never happened. John couldn’t give two shits about either of the babies. Whenever he’s not insisting they aren’t his, he’s talking about how they are ruining his life by not getting abortions. Claire said that she would raise the girl so he wouldn’t have to deal with her. He didn’t give a shit and told her to give him whatever he needed to sign so he could get rid of the ‘thing.’”

 

“Wow, John’s even sweeter than I remember.”

 

Brian rolls his eyes at the sarcastic comment.

 

“Okay, so even if your mother is somehow okay with you taking in this kid, Claire is still going to have the rights. So she is really in no position to ask you anyway.”

 

“Oh, Claire got on the phone too. She and Peter are living with Joan so they can all save on money. She started crying, as always. Talking about how sorry she was and all this shit as though she wanted to bury the hatchet. It’s so goddamn typical of her. I haven’t spoken to her since John made that false claim. It hurt that my mother believed it but I was on her shit list since she found out I was gay so it wasn’t that surprising. But Claire...I get that it was her kid so she didn’t want to see him for who he really was and we have never really gotten along but she tried to protect me from Dad when we were young. She accepted me when I told her I was gay and never told our parents, even though she didn’t get it. I felt so betrayed when she thought I would do something like that.”

 

Justin can tell that Brian is getting upset. It started out as just rehashing the conversation Justin had missed but whenever Brian dealt with his family it brought back all of these dark memories for him. Justin hated what they put him through. And, while he could respect Joan for possibly seeing the light when it came to her prejudices, she should have done it in person and not thrown something like this at Brian to make him so confused.

 

“Brian, they fucked up. They were in the wrong, even they seem to know that. Don’t dwell over what they did to you. You are a better person than they will ever be.”

 

Brian nodded and seemed to clear his head a little.

 

“I guess she ran into Lindsay and Melanie after we left the park with Gus last Friday. She invited them in for dinner. Seriously, what the fuck? She knows about Gus now. And Lindsay told her what a good father I was and what a stable relationship I was in. God, have I really become so fucking stepford?”

 

“Nah, you’re still a stud to me,” Just tells him as he bumps his shoulder with his own.

 

“I’m going to have a talk with Lindsay about gossiping behind my back because she told her about how we were looking into adoption. It wasn’t her right to tell her!”

 

Brian gets up and starts to pace again and Justin sits back and watches him for a little bit. While Brian has ranted and overloaded him with information, he still doesn’t know exactly where his mind is at.

 

“So are you going to take Joan up on her offer?”

 

Brian stops pacing to study Justin. Justin keeps his expression blank.

 

“We have been looking into it, Brian. Yeah, we’ll have to step on it and get a move on if we say yes but sometimes adopting a baby can take years. This has practically fallen into our laps and she’s even related to you.”

 

“She’s a Kinney, so what? We’re not exactly the most balanced family. She’s the daughter of the kid who accused me of molestation and committed multiple violent felonies.”

 

“And you’re the son of an abusive, neglectful, and uneducated man. But let me tell you something. You turned out nothing like your father even though he is the man who technically raised you. What makes you think that this little girl who hasn’t even been born yet is going to turn out like her father? Especially when the father in question isn’t even going to be her father in the first place?”

 

He thinks he’s hit his point home with Brian because Brian just keeps staring at him and seems to be at loss for words.

 

“You say that the Kinneys are unbalanced. I believe you. That is why that kid needs a strong and loving couple in her life. It may have taken us a while to get to the point where we are talking marriage and kids but we have been. You act all casual and nonchalant about it but I've looked through your search history, Brian. You have looked at more adoption and surrogate sites than I have. Do you know how often I am researching that stuff?”

 

Brian flushes and mumbles, “I haven’t looked at that many.”

 

“We’re ready for this. I know you think it is a trap but do you really think they would want you to adopt her unless they really did have a change of heart? At the very least, they are desperate. They know they don’t have the means to take care of a baby. But we do. We own the downstairs loft so we can make arrangements to renovate the place so we can put in a nursery for her and we’ll stay at Britin while that’s going on or we can live at Britin instead, whatever you want. And we can-”

 

“Okay.”

 

Justin stops and looks at Brian. His Brian, who has looked so stressed since Justin got home, is actually smiling a little now. Justin feels his own grin making an appearance and Brian pulls Justin in to kiss him.

 

“Brian, we’re going to be full-time parents. You’re sure about this?”

 

“Fuck no. I’ve never been more freaked out in my life. But let’s do it anyway.”

 

“Even though the reason we are going to be able to adopt this baby is due to your mother?”

 

“I guess I’ll just have to swallow my pride and accept it.”

 

“It resembles fate too much not to.”

 

They wrap their arms around each other and just hold one another in silence. It’s sweet and intimate but Justin needs to break it.

 

“I never realized how old you really were. You’re technically about to be a grand-uncle. You will be a grand-uncle be with the other kid.”

 

Justin gets the desired effect of Brian glaring at him and slapping his ass. Justin ends up pushing him on the couch and they fuck right there on the sofa. Might as well fuck in the living room while they can. They are going to have a kid after all and if they want to raise the most emotionally balanced Kinney who ever lived, they are going to do it the right way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I have several WIPs and have been busy with work and working on my new art hobby. Please read and review!


End file.
